Session 5:
Assertiveness

In this session Don ties together the lessons from the prior sessions.  He then discusses the basic human rights one had and reminds us if you want the rights for yourself then you need to do whatever you can to protect those rights for others. He then explains the “assertiveness continuum” and leads the class through a practice worksheet to see this continuum in action.  Finally, Don gives us two tools to use: Four-Part Assertion Message and the Six-Step Assertion Process.

Complete transcripts are available on the resources page

Introduction to Assertiveness

In the introduction Don explains why assertiveness is one of the more complex things to do. The typical definition is that you stand up for your legitimate rights without violating the other’s rights.

Basic Human Rights

If you are going to be an assertive person, you have to know that you have legitimate rights. But with every right comes a responsibility. And that responsibility is if you want that right for yourself, then you will do whatever you can to protect that right for other people. In this segment Don reviews 21 “basic human rights.”

The Assertiveness Continuum

Don discusses the assertiveness continuum and compares it to the drama triangle discussed in Session 4: Deep Listening. The assertiveness continuum consists of: submissive, assertive and aggressive. Don explains why assertive style is the most effective and appropriate in most situations.

The Assertiveness Continuum Practice Worksheet

To better understand the assertiveness continuum, Don takes the class through a series of 10 situations and they rate the responses to the situations as either assertive, non-assertive or aggressive.

The Four-Part Assertion Message

Don teaches the class a healthy process to use when someone is having a negative impact on your life. The four-part assertion message provides a way to let the person know it is not okay with you that they are having a negative impact but you. This process allows you to do it without blame and without judgment. Using this method you are going to try to invite them to work with you to find a way to deal with it better than what they are presently doing.

Practicing the Four-Part Assertion Message

Now Don has the class practice applying the four-part asserting message.

The Six-Step Assertion Process

Taking the assertion process deeper, Don offers a framework to better anticipate and prepare for a defensive response to your being assertive. This starts by anticipating a defensive response and prepare an assertive message that you memorize and consistently deliver. Don then goes on to explain the rest of the process.